These Words given by My Parent Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."